Old Malaysian Tales: Memory Karat Version

Hello guys, aku tahu aku promised yang .. sigh. Okay fine aku terlupa nak buat lagi post tu waktu siang, sebab aku usually blogging waktu malam. So nanti bila matahari dah naik baru aku buat post pasal 666 tu. Kali ni aku promise betul2!

So post kali ni is an Old Malaysian Tales: Memory Karat Version from Twitter thread, special thanks to @MLSHKR for her thread (you can read it originally here) so be sure to follow her on Twitter! Anggaplah aku tulis balik ni just aku nak archive her amazing story!

Here goes nothing!

Lagenda Mahsuri

by MELISHA, MAY 14TH

      k so i tell y’all bout Mahsuri k. so mahsuri right she was born in langkawi bla bla bla and she grew up to be super hot like all when she past by all the boys they all go wowda hawtstuff,,, ok so anyway one day mahsuri married this fella la her bf i think they sek sek all then she pregnant.

      then her husband fuck off where i also dk la then one of the kampung ppl were like WOI POMPUAN SIAL KAU CURANG!!! she was like bapak ah bila, then they were like hoe WE GOT SEE U…. WE GOT…. SEE…… U then she was still????? bro i pregnant i got no energy to urine also la.

anyway bc this one traditional story they tied her and decided to burn her at the stake but she like superhero bro cannot die. kampung people’s ball all shake dy la bc dei she hantu or what la never die after kena bakar cam sate… then one bomoh came and he was like eh if u wanna kill her then u must use this special keris (dk whats so special maybe they soak in god’s urine or smtg idk la).

anyway the bomoh fella found the keris la bc fucker got nothing better to do smh then the kampung ppl were like AH MAHSURI WE KILL U AH NOW. idk what mahsuri said back la i wasnt there but they stabbed her la THEN SUDDENLY WHITE COLOUR BLOOD CAME OUT BRO KAMPUNG PEOPLE’S BALLS SHAKE SHAKE SO MUCH THEIR TESTIS FROM 2 GABUNG BECOME 1 LA. ANYWAY AFTER MAHSURI KENA STAB SHE WAS LIKE FUVIDIEJCKD.

THEN SHE CURSED LANGKAWI FOR 7 KETURUNAN SAID YALL WONT MAJU AT ALL BC YALL LIED ABOUT HER CHEATING THEN KAMPUNG PPL ALL STARTED LA THEIR AIYO SORRY SORRY LA MAHSURI DRAMA ALL but she die dy what say sorry for what dungu bell.

Lagenda Si Tanggang

by MELISHA, MAY 15TH

OK SO THIS FELLA RIGHT ONE DAY HE WAS CAPTURED AND FORCED TO WORK ON THIS SHIP LA LOL. anyway the captain grew fond of him and made him his son in law and soon enough he made him captain la.

anyway one day got thunderstorm la, so this fella was forced to stop at some village la and it turns out it was hid old village and so when he landed his parents saw him, they were like omg biiiiitch ko anak aku doh and he was embarrassed of them bc they looked old and poor and he was like um ko sape.

AND THEN HIS MOTHER WAS SO SAD THAT THE BITCH ASS DID THAT TO HIS OWN MAK BAPAK SO SHE WENT TO ONE WATERFALL AND CRY CRY THERE LIKE SHE CRIED KAW KAW AND SHE CURSED HIM. AND SUDDENLY SI TANGGANG AND HIS WIFE AND HIS WHOLE CREW WAS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING AND THEY WERE TURNED INTO STONE LIKE REAL STONE BITCH KALAU AKU BUANG KAT KAU MESTI KAU MATI.

Lagenda Puteri Gunung Ledang

by MELISHA, MAY 15TH

so this king right his wife died so he wanted to marry again la anyway he heard of this princess and her beauty la so he was like kk kahwin. the puteri was like AMBOIIIII U THINK U WHO HUH so she set 7 impossible tasks for this king to complete and if he did it he could marry her. the tasks were:
1. some golden bridge la from her mountain to melaka
2. some silver bridge from melaka to her mountain
3. barrels of virgin tears ooo kinky
4. mosquitoes hears
5. gems
6. idk
7. bowl of his only son’s blood (oo dis sum 50 shades of grey shit)

anyway the puteri simply ny la ask for this shit all bc she knew it was impossible and the raja did 6 tasks but he couldn’t do the last one. wah so sweet :”)))) anyway the princess also was like kk cannot do so fuck off la.

then the king also fuck off la but that was how the malacca sultanate got ruined la smh TOLD Y’ALL NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM LOVE.

Cerita Sang Kancil and the Tiger

by MELISHA, MAY 15TH

AH. THIS ONE SPECIAL ONE. SANG KANCIL AND THE TIGER. ok so one day sang kancil was thirsty la but for the first time ever he was thirsty for water and not attention la so he went to this river.

then otw there this fucking tiger muncul out of nowhere sang kancil also stuck la what to do the tiger’s huge sang kancil on small fuck ny. THEN THE TIGER WAS LIKE AUM,, AKU NAK MAKAN KAU,,, SANG KANCIL’S BALLS SHAKING DY BY NOW HE DK WHAT TO DO HE HIGHKEY PANICKING OMFG. THEN SANG KANCIL GOT AN IDEA.

HE STARTED LICKING THE TIGER’S BALLS LA (no not literally) LIKE HE STARTED COMPLIMENTING HIM ALL LIKE, WOW ABANG SADO,,, HENSEM GILA,, NAK AUTOGRAF BRO,, THE TIGHER ALSO PERASAN LA HE ALSO STARTED LA SAYING YE KE OMG THANKS AWAKZ THEN. SANG KANCIL WAS LIKE hold up bitch u not that great la MY KING better than u lolz then tiger also shock la bc wtf just now only he licking the tiger’s balls now he saying this so the tiger angry la then he was like KNN U THINK I SCARED IS IT COME I SHOW U I HOW MIGHTY.

sang kancil was like *yawns* kk show la hm THEN THE TIGER STARTED LA FLEXING ALL LIKE 💪💪 🐯 THEN WHEN HE WAS BUSY SHOWING OFF that bitch ass sang kancil also escape la lmao bitch ran so fast he was like adios dumbass name only tiger but brains like birds one. then the tiger also sat down and cried la huhu huhu.

BAWANG PUTIH BAWANG MERAH

by MELISHA, MAY 28TH

kk so got these 2 sisters la one was fuckin evil as fuck like syaitan saja then the other was like super nice la idk why anyway so obviously mean on is bawang merah nice one is bawang putih they also had a stepmother (bawang merah’s real mom, bawang putih’s stepmom) who was kurang ajar AS FUCK SMH WHACK WITH SELIPAR JAMBAN THEN ONLY SHE KNOW UGH.

anyway so bawang putih did all the cleaning and cooking and bawang merah just makan and tidur and wow am i bawang merah (lol melisha hahaha) but dorang berdua ni hawtstuffz tau….so like….aum….ok anyway this is how bawang putih’s mom died: bawang merah’s mom KILLED HER OMG. SHE WAS DOING THE LAUNDRY NEAR THE RIVER AND BAWANG MERAH’S MOTHER JUST PUSHED HER IN WHAT THE FUCK.

ANYWAY AFTER SHE DIED THEY TORTURED BAWANG PUTIH KAW KAW AND BAWANG PUTIH HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO ACCEPT IT SMH. SO ONE DAY SHE WENT TO THE RIVER TO WASH CLOTHES THEN SUDDENLY AS FISH APPEARED AND IT WAS LIKE PSSST PSSST AKU MAK KAU PSSST PSSST. SO BAWANG PUTIH ALSO SHOCK LA SIA FISH TALKING TO HER SIA I ALSO WOULD KENA HEART ATTACK LA IF I WAS THERE OMG

ANYWAY SHE WAS LIKE???? U MAK I???? FISH WAS LIKE YA THEN SHE WAS LIKE BILA MAK JADI IKAN PULAK MAI GODZ, THEN THE FISH TOLD HER LA WHAT HAPPENED AND SHE WAS JUST CRYING THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE STORY.

ANYWAY SINCE THAT DAY SHE KEPT ON SNEAKING OFF TO THE RIVER TO GO SEE HER MOTHER LA…..BUT THEN SUDDENLY………ONE DAY…. FUCKING BAWANG MERAH WOKE UP FROM HER NAP EARLY LA AND SHE SAW HER SNEAKING OFF SHE FUCKING KEPOCHI BUSY BODY AS FUCK SO SHE FOLLOWED HER LA. THEN SHE SAW BAWANG PUTIH AND THE FISH LA AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS BITCH DID??????? AFTER BAWANG PUTIH LEFT….. THIS FUCKER…… SHE…. CAUGHT THE FISH AND SHE BROUGHT IT HOME AND TOLD HER MOM ABOUT IT AND THEY COOKED IT AND GAVE IT TO BAWANG PUTIH FOR DINNER.

BAWANG PUTIH ALSO HAPPILY ATE IT LA BC FISH TASTED NICE WHAT BUT SHE DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS EATING HER MOTHER MY GOD. when she was done….they came up to her and they were like “u just ate ur mom…yeah…we did THAT” AND BAWANG PUTIH WAS HEARTBROKEN AND DISGUSTED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHY WOULD U THAT. WHY WOULD U KILL SOMEONE’S FISH MOTHER AND THEN COOK IT AND FEED IT THEM. WHY. APA MOTIF SIAL.

anyway….bawang putih took the fishbones and went to a nearby cemetery and buried them…… and she went home in tears. THEN THE NEXT DAY SHE CAM BACK TO THE GRAVE AND THERE WAS A MAGICAL SWINGSET BESIDE IT I KID YOU NOT, AND THERE WAS A PRINCE SITTING ON……JUST SWINGING AROUND……………….SHE WAS SCARED AF AND SHE RAN TF HOME.

bc apparently a hensem abang sado prince on a swing is scarier than a fucking talking fish……ok….bawang putih……ok. ANYWAY THE PRINCE FOLLOWED HER LA AND HE WAS LIKE WEYH TUNGGU AND SHE WAS LIKE KEPALA BANA KAU AKU NAK TUNGGU KAU PULAK. anyway the prince and his people eventually find bawang putih’s house la but it took a while la bc last time all where got google maps all.

and bawang putih also acah tak pernah nampak mamat ni then bawang merah was like aum sapo ni datang nak kahwin i ke uhukz. THEN THE PRINCE WAS LIKE HYE AWUCK…… THEN BASICALLY FAST FORWARD TO A FEW MONTHS LATER THEY GOT MARRIED AND BAWANG MERAH AND HER MOTHER WERE LEFT TO ROTHAH MEREPUT LA KORANG HOHO

So that’s it, I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did, hahaha!

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